Prescribing Information Enclosed — See Side Effects Below
ValSal™
One daily dose, taken for life.
Ask your spouse if ValSal is right for you.
In Clinical Use Since May 2025 · Field Trials: New Zealand & FijiIndications & Usage
What ValSal Treats
Clinical studies (n = 2) show ValSal is effective against the following conditions:
Solo Takeout Syndrome
A condition marked by ordering dinner for one, out of habit rather than preference.
Chronic Overthinking
Symptoms improve within minutes of talking it through out loud, together.
Empty Beer Fridge
A recurring flare-up. ValSal restocks it, drinks it, then restocks it again.
Quiet House Disorder
Rare since diagnosis. Three dogs make relapse nearly impossible.
Drug Facts
Active Ingredients
- ValActive Ingredient
- SalActive Ingredient
- HemingwayInactive, Present
- FitzgeraldInactive, Present
- Zora NealeInactive, Present (Chews Packaging)
Directions for Use
Dosage & Administration
Take one (1) Val.
Take one (1) Sal.
Combine daily. Outdoor administration preferred but not required.
May be taken with beer.
Continue indefinitely. Do not stop, even if symptoms of happiness persist.
Drug Interactions
Common Interactions
ValSal shows a strong, well-documented interaction with craft beer — particularly hazy IPAs and anything a local brewery only brews twice a year. Observed effects include impromptu road trips, brewery tours, and a marked increase in beer photography. No adverse effects have been reported. None are expected.
Currently prescribed: [ADD YOUR CURRENT FAVORITE BEER]Savings & Support
The ValSal Savings Card
Pay as little as $0. ValSal is committed to accessibility for all.
Valid at any kitchen table, brewery patio, or back porch. Accepted nationwide. Never expires.
Clinical Trial Site
Study Participants
Every study needs a control group. Meet the ones who never signed the consent form.
Hemingway
Lead investigator, napping division.
Fitzgerald
Reports side effects. Frequently.
Zora Neale
Quality control, all footwear.
⚠ Possible Side Effects
Read Before Continuing
Side effects of ValSal may include: sudden urges to book flights with no return date, singing in the kitchen for no reason, mild-to-severe dog hair inhalation, an inability to finish a beer flight without taking notes, oversharing on Instagram, spontaneous forehead kisses, and long stretches of actually being fine. In rare cases, side effects may include a wedding, a honeymoon spanning New Zealand and Fiji, and a house that is never quiet. If side effects persist for fifty years or more, do not consult a doctor. It's working as intended.